In fact, as I grew older and learned more about the institutions and system of power dynamics I lived in, I overcompensated. I was terrified that my discomfort with the label of female was just deeply buried misogyny. I vocalized my pride any time the topic came up — no self-hatred allowed here, no ma’am. This girl was proud to be a girl.
I relate to this so damn hard. I consider myself closer to the masc side than non-binary (although still non-binary), and did not have this shit figured out as a teen, but overcompensating because of refusal to bow to the idea that my desire to be a boy was some kind of internalized misogyny? I 100% did this throughout my teen years and early twenties.
This is well-written and I enjoyed reading it. I really appreciate the line about just wanting to be able to shrug it off when somebody asks if you’re a boy or a girl and have that be valid. It’s not asking for attention. It’s asking to be allowed to be true to yourself without receiving any more or any less attention than anyone else gets for doing the same thing in a more (currently) conventional way.